A Zillion!

Our new washer and dryer was delivered yesterday. Luckily, it was all hooked up without any problems. Doors opening the right way, gas line correctly identified as gas line when we ordered it (there was a little anxiety that it wasn't really a gas line, but it was) and presto! I'm back in the laundry business. Well shave me naked and call me a mole rat!

According to the advertisement on the right, I have now been awarded a ZILLION new carefree hours. Go me. So, today I got right on it and I used some of those. This is what I did:

• I replaced the little screens that create ventilation at the bottom of my garage doors. To do this I had to remove the slabs of wood that the prior owner had placed there and secured with both nails and screws. Come to find out the prior owner was a "belt and suspenders" kind of handyman. That is if you can call both nailing and screwing planks of wood over an opening that just needed the screen replaced a "handyman" kind of thing. Personally, I think that one of her son-in-laws was just lazy and stupid.

• After some trial and error I managed to get the second garage door to open. We have two. They slide side-to-side like barn doors. And, like barn doors they do not have an automatic opener. Super Drag. Even with the manual opening (aka shove all your weight on the door) the left side would open, but the right side refused. Turns out that the latch on the right side just needed some jiggling. Okay, technically it needed some serious prying with a GIANT screw driver and the application of some good old mus-cles. So, yes, it opens, but no I haven't solved the problem. I am content today with just having identified the problem. Tomorrow I will figure out the solution.

• I worked in the backyard. Suffice to say that the backyard looks like it could have been one of the scenes from Beetlejuice when they leave the house to ride the giant striped snake thingy. S.C.A.R.Y The foliage that was originally planted there in 1949 has now grown tall, leaving nothing on the ground 'cept some gnarly piles of dirt, some heaving bricks and some dirt encrusted slate. Oh, yeah, there was the mega succulent-type-thing that was horror movie kinda creepy. It was like tendrils of alien arms encrusted in dried up stuck together leaves and spider webs. It used to be the view from my kitchen window. Today I neutralized it with a saw. (Just a regular saw, but a chainsaw might have been faster)

• I used my handy-dandy electric leaf blower to try to clean up the decades of dried leaves that were back there as well. But that's where the fun began. That's when the word "carefree hours" felt most analogous with my actions. But the story is too long so here is the synopsis: No electrical outlets outside. Brilliant idea to plug it in to the kitchen through the kitchen window. Forgot to close window over cord. Merrily ran leaf blower. Much debris, detritus and filth was blown around. Much debris, detritus and filth was blown directly in to the aforementioned kitchen window. I win the gold medal for witless. Big round of applause.

• I cleaned the kitchen top to bottom. Every cabinet, every counter top, every appliance, every knife in the damn knife holder etc. etc. etc. Look at your kitchen counters. Imagine everything covered in a fine layer of black soot and tiny little leaf particles. Imagine cleaning IT ALL.

My ZILLIONS of hours are just chalk full o'fun wouldn't you say? Tomorrow I am resigned to staying indoors while trying to do stupid things. Perhaps it's time for a little DIY electrical work in the bathroom??? I still have the gold medal around my neck. It should weld itself nicely to my chest when I stick the screwdriver in the socket.


Oh, and you thought the bug eating thing was the dumbest thing I could ever do. Have faith. I am exceptionally good at this...