Monday, August 31, 2009

New Vocabulary

It seems that not only are we going to completely renovate our new home, but in the process I am going to learn all kinds of new vocab to enrich my already stout command of the english language. There's a twofer for ya.

Last week we received via email the first pass by our landscape architects for the design of our ivy-less front yard. This came in the form of a PDF showing lots of lines around the foot print of our house. In other words, a 2d design that was pretty meaningless. I even went outside and even tried to "get in to the map" Joey Tribiani style - with out any luck. It's hard to visualize the landscape any different from the heap of overgrown flora that is already there. This, in a nutshell, is the likeliest reason that we hired a professional in the first place.

We had a meeting with our regular architects a couple days later where we discussed the design attributes of this meaningless sketch. There was much gazing at the PDF. There was a bit of discussion about the way the current stairs curve up to the house presently and whether or not that helped to "soften" the approach. In the end, the architects declared that they preferred the proposed rectilinear design.

That's where it took a massive amount of self-control not to burst out laughing. Rectilinear? I immediately had visions of Karma Sutra poses showing nekked folks entangled as only a highly skilled contortionist could handle. I had immediate visions of party tricks performed very very late every Saturday night in various dark sweaty bars in the Castro. As luck would have it, I was not drinking ginger ale, as there was no way that stuff wasn't going to be shooting out my nose.

I managed to hold it together - at least until I got in the car by myself later. From this point on, I will only be able to imagine my new front yard in shades of sexuality. First Trojans - now this. Oh dear.

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