Wednesday, August 5, 2009

No Phantom

Yesterday I prematurely posted that my post-myrtle-weeding status was vermin free with some phantom itchy back thing that was "nothing". Well, not really.....

Last night I got up from the couch after attempting to finally do the Sunday crossword puzzle on Tuesday night. I arose from the settee and did the quick OCD scan to see if there was any thing that needed to be picked up. I thought that there was a nut or a piece of a cornflake on the cushion. (Although why I thought this, is somewhat curious in retrospect. I have neither eaten nuts or cornflakes since moving in to this house - - and the boys are away at camp - - but it looked like a nut or a cornflake so that's what I thought it was. If the boys were here, I could justify that they leave bits of whatever around the house at all times. Since it's just me - - I can easily say that I don't tend to leave bits of whatever around.) Still - I reached down to pick up the damn thing.

I did not have my glasses on, so I peered at it seeing just an undefined little nut. I can't see shit without my reading glasses any more. Then, I did the most bewildering thing. I put a little part of it in my mouth and bit down a bit just to see what it was. Yes, I am a gross and disgusting human. Not to mention - in hindsight - pretty gol dern stupid. Biting in to something that I just "thought" was a nut or a cornflake.

It snapped a little like sinking your teeth in to the outer sheath of a little piece of puffed rice. Then it hit me. We don't have ANY puffed rice at all in the whole damn house. Nuts. Yes. Corn Flakes. Yes. Puffed Rice. No. I fetched the glasses. Stat.

I can, with much humility, confess that I bit into a little live crunchy BUG. A little creature that had piggy-backed his way into my home with me. This little critter caused me some un-phantom itching and then put himself in the perfect scenario that allowed me to bite him.

I bit a bug. I technically didn't eat a bug, since I just snapped him like a little dried corn hull. But I did indeed nip him.

See!! Myrtle IS the devil's play toy. Sometimes it just take a while to understand that YOU are the reason he laughs hardest.

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