Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Girls and Poppies

Last week an unparalleled annual event came to pass. My girl scout cookies were delivered. Boxes right to my front door from a darling little-sash wearing neighborhood girl scout. Fabulous. In past years both my daughter and my sister have taken the initiative to purchase these little morsels of delight and put them in boxes to send to me in several overseas locations. For that, I was eternally grateful. This year, now that we are US dwellers once again, I could buy them on my own. Somoas, Thin Mints, and whatever the ones with the salmonella-less peanut butter are called. All uncharacteristically yummy. In just a few days we have nearly polished them all off. Sad.

Simultaneously, I have been catching a number of recent news stories about the horrendous goings-on in Mexico between the various drug cartels. Lots of killing over turf and market. Just the other day I was listening to an NPR story regarding the economic connections between the voracious drug consumption of the US (demand) and the drug production and distribution of Mexico (supply). Which got me to thinking. If the demand from US customers was so high that Mexican suppliers had something to really fight about (to the point where they were both willing and able to execute competitors) who were all these customers? It niggled me for a bit. Where were all these drugs going? If the story was correct and thousands upon thousands of pounds of drugs were being shipped to the US, wouldn't we see this drug consumption on a daily basis? And not just in the places that are obvious - I'm talking about everywhere. That's a damn lot of product. I was thinking about this just as I popped the 20th Samoa in to my mouth. And then the penny dropped. Hmmmm? Was there a connection there?

It had crossed my mind a few days earlier as I gleefully wrote the check for a wee tidy sum of money to my little green sashed supplier - why on earth were these cookies so damn expensive? Why was I so willingly, no, so zealously, writing a check for this particular type of cookie? Baked goods that, per unit, were insanely more expensive than any other mass-produced boxed cookie available in the US cookie market place? More importantly, why did I have to immediately place the Samoas in the freezer to keep myself from ripping open the package right there in the hallway and rabidly eating them one-by-one-by-one until the entire package was nothing more than shredded paper and crumpled plastic? Could there be something more to my shaking hands, rapid breathing and glazed eyes than just the thrill of seeing a girl scout on my doorstep?

With this small seed of girl-scouts-gone-wrong planted in my brain, I actually took the time to peruse the ingredients listed on the side of the Samoas package. Not surprisingly, there wasn't an actual opiate listed anywhere. But who's to say that it isn't hidden in the TBHQ, the Carrageenan or the invert sugar? Yes, Wikipedia has defined all the aforementioned ingredients. Lots of scientific jargon that is supposed to give the consumer some comfort that these things are just emollients or elasticizers or whatever. But, is it too far a leap to think conspiracy here? Everything leans in that direction and where there's smoke....

I'm not saying that there is smack laced in the cookies, I'm just saying it's all a little too suspicious, don't ya think? Girl Scout Cookie time and Mexican Cartels gone awry simultaneously? Exorbitantly high prices and glaring mystifying changes in your ability to govern yourself when eating them?

I'm just saying that I know that there are only 10 somoas left in my freezer. I'm considering hiding them inside a package of fish sticks so the boys think that they are all gone. Is it wrong to lie to your children about some cookies? Or is it just a sign of deteriorating moral turpitude brought on by an insatiable craving?

I'm just saying that I know that some time in the month of March these cookies will go on sale in front of grocery stores and Target and Home Depot. This makes me very happy. "Happy" as in I can scratch that little "girl-scout-cookie-itch" one more time this year. Addiction is an unkind master.

(Personal Consumption / Addiction Management Tip: If you put Samoas in the freezer you cannot, without risking chipped teeth or annihilated dental work, eat them ravenously. You must plan ahead for the 2-3 minute defrost time thereby putting the brakes on thoughtlessly consuming more than you had planned. Just a little helpful hint to other Samoa eaters everywhere. Unfortunately, this tip does NOT work for Thin Mints. Cold merely enhances the addictive attributes. For Thin Mints, just accept that an entire sleeve equals one hit no matter what the package says.)

1 comment:

Chris said...

Coincidence? I think not...