Saturday, April 18, 2009

Butter side down

You know how when you drop a piece of toast on the floor it nearly almost ends up butter side down? Statistically I realize that the odds of it landing on butter or unbuttered are equal. Still, if you're watching that thing fall on the floor, don't ya know you're getting out the 409 instead of just letting the dog lick up the crumbs? I have heard this described as one of Murphy's Laws. This is not exactly true.

Murphy's law actually states, "If anything can go wrong it will." For the record, what he actually said in 1949 was "If there is any way to do it wrong, he'll find it." Which just goes to show you that when you are making comments about a co-worker's aptitude when working on a project involving determining how much deceleration a person can stand in a crash - it's highly possible that your comments may not only be made into words of lore, but that those words will also be misconstrued. Just be aware.

The reason that I was thinking about Murphy's Law, or buttered toast for that matter, is that only a two months ago I was looking for a new pediatrician for the boys. Disappointingly, I discovered that the original doc I had found for them in August did not accept our health insurance program. For a short time I envisioned just paying the out-of-network fees to take them there. But after some deep self-reflection, I understood that the reason I wanted to pay the higher prices was not because I felt that the doc I had found stood head/shoulders above all other pediatricians and would provide the boys with a significantly higher standard of care. I didn't want to change because I was simply too damn lazy to look for another one. Take away the mom-card immediately.

Guilted in to action by embracing my own lethargy, I started the search. In a word: pain-in-the arsky. You get a list of pediatricians that are covered by your insurance. You collate that list with the recommendations that you get from friends. This narrows the list considerably. You call the ones that meet both criteria. You come up with bupkis. Pediatricians in the SF area that are any good only take new patients that are really new. As in newborn. I have yet to get a comprehensible answer as to why this is. Are newborns more fun? Or are they worth more $$ in the long run? Technically at 10 and 12, they've only got my guys for say 5-6 more years until they progress to GP.

So, I started trying to "sell" the boys. This is where Murphy's Law comes in to play - in a broad sense. I called a couple of other docs. Each time I explained the situation and tried to convince them that my boys were worthy of being their patients, I said this..."My guys are really healthy kids. You will only need to see them once a year for their camp/school check-ups, vaccinations and flu shots."

What I should have been shouting directly to the cosmos was "HEY!! I am loudly trumpeting my children's weirdly healthy state!! Come down and smite me with some various germs and viruses so I need to eat my words every time I make an appointment at the new damn doctor!!!!"

And so it is... Red Scourge nearly receded completely. Red scourge appeared only two weeks after finding said new pediatrician. "Hi! I'm the one that called a couple of weeks ago to register and now I am presenting you with my heretofore amazingly healthy child now covered in a red bubbling rash." Ooops. Wednesday - take BOTH boys to the doctor. George for an ear-ache - turned out to be nothing. Henry for a sore throat - turned out to be strep.

The pediatrician is most likely going to sue me for lying. Healthy-shcmealthy she says. As for me, I am going to learn not to taunt the Gods. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and eat my toast.

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