Monday, November 30, 2009

Officially Over It

Yup, the deed is done. Today I spent my whole first day in my fifth decade. I can report that I didn't experience any senior moments, any bouts of incontinence and I didn't even take my iron pill. Refreshing that it all didn't go to hell in a hand basket when the clock hit midnight.

I'm taking this moment to be commensurately reflective of my first five decades (which many of you know is NOT my strong point. Reflection is for people who dwell. I. do. not. dwell.). And by commensurately, I mean that I am going to do this on the fly while I type this. So here goes...
  • I have too many blessed memories to even begin to count them. I tried for just a moment to count them, I got confused and then couldn't remember what number I was on and had to keep starting over.
  • I've had the opportunity to so far live an amazing life doing legions of things that many might only wish for or dream of. Although if you are someone who is wishing for a life that is stable and sedentary and requires living in the same house or place for a long time - then you were not one wishing for my life!
  • When I fill out a "bucket list" there are only a few things I haven't experienced and in one case I didn't even know what it was and when I found out I realized that I didn't really ever want to see or hear a glacier calf (I thought it was an animal - turns out it's a chunk of ice which means you'd have to be damn cold for a large part of time in order to experience. Count me out.)
  • I've lost a few people that meant a great deal to me, but appreciate that I have not born an overabundance of sorrow. And speaking of lost, while "counting" my memories it astounded me to recognize that I have "lost" George the Younger three times in his short life. Once in a Pokemon store in Tokyo for about 15 minutes, second on the subway in Tokyo (although technically I was not the one to lose him - but he was lost nonetheless), and a third time last year while trick-or-treating (although he didn't realize he was lost - we were the only ones who thought so). Sorry for the tangent - thinking about "lost" took a wrong turn.
  • I have three beautiful children that allow me to see a love greater than anything could have imagined. They also allow me to realize that I love them even when I want to leave them on a street corner for an hour while I gather my wits and figure out how to be a better mother than the one who is channeling "The Scream" in living color. Wavy lines and all.
  • I have loved and been loved in return. I have also hated and been hated in return. But on the cosmic scale of balance, I'd like to believe that scale is leaning towards the "love" side.
  • I have had a successful career that I fell in to without planning or worrying or really wishing for. It happened by a little hard work combined with a large dose of good old fashioned luck. I had great bosses that taught me a lot. I had crappy bosses that taught me what I didn't want to be. I had a wonderful time.
  • I have been occasionally selfish and mean spirited and a generally not-so-nice person. I would like to think that I was unselfish, good-spirited and a generally nice person more often - but I have a few more years to make-up for that in the karma bank I think.
  • Many of my most celebrated memories are when I have made people laugh over the years. And of course when I have laughed at myself! I apologize broadly for those times in the past (and future) when my sense of humor wasn't as funny I thought it was going to be! I fully realize my uncanny ability to put both feet in my mouth AND continue talking. Call it a "gift?"
  • I have a family who loves me and whom I love deeply in return (even though I am not always the best at wearing my heart on my sleeve. I hope that they know I really do love them.)
So, here's to the next 50. I only wish that they were not to be accompanied by the requisite aging issues - but I guess the truth is that all those wrinkles and gray hair (Henry noted that my salt and pepper was significantly more salt these days) and the inability to gracefully get up off the floor after sitting there for a while are just signs that you have lived a life. And, so far - I'm smugly proud of having lived a GREAT one.

I guess reflection isn't so bad. For the most part it's like being wrapped in a big giant cosmic electric blanket set on toasty warm. Turns out it's all pretty damn good.

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