Scarlett and the Potato

Aging? There a number of tell-tale signs. Trying to buy moisturizer claiming to "reverse the ravages of time" or "make your skin tighter than an African Tama drum" would be one of them. Gazing at the clock and realizing that staying up until your teenager's bed time is just not. going. to. be. fun. But, sadly the most obvious harbinger is that lately some people that I know are dying. Yes, dying as in buying the farm, cashing in the chips, shuffling off their mortal coils.

Remember when the majority of people that passed away were your grandparents? The kinds of deaths where you were apt to say, "So sad, but think of the long and interesting life that they lead." Then we moved on to hearing more and more about acquaintance's parents getting the ticket to the show. And while these are tragic and heart wrenching - these folks were still older than me. But, lately, I've had a few folks dying who are my age. Cancer, aneurysm, heart attack, doesn't-matter. Just people in their 50s laying down for the long nap. It has given me pause.

So, I decided I'm going all out and I'm going to get a full physical for the first time in a decade. I don't usually do doctors. Yes, I do have a neuro that I see for that pesky MS thing on a regular basis - but I don't have a GP or an Internist or whatever the speciality is for the doctor that you just go to see to make sure you aren't riddled with something that you just don't know about yet. Plus rumor has it that at 50 I'm supposed to get in line for my inaugural colonoscopy. And while the thought of enduring that little gem of a test would have been put on the back burner on the Stove-of-Wendy's-procrastination - I'm realizing that this is something I need to do. Damn.

I think the hardest thing for me is that I prefer to be blissfully ignorant of the bad things that can happen. Sort of a Scarlet O'Hara fiddle-dee-dee approach. I can't even call myself an optimist, since I think you have to actually visualize the glass of milk and make a determination whether or not you see it as half-full or half-empty. I try not to look at the glass at all. What glass? Is there a glass? Maybe I will just use this nontransparent mug instead for my milk. Ahhh. That's better. But, didn't Scarlet said fiddle-dee-dee BEFORE she ended up clawing through the earth at Tara trying to get her starving paws on a piece of raw potato? Maybe that approach didn't work out so well for her. So, I made an appointment to see a doctor.

I called UCSF, since that's were most of our other physician relations are. I will go to see someone in March. That is the earliest appointment that I could get. That is unless I was willing to see a student. I passed. It is unlikely that I will find the grandfatherly citadel of medicine that I would prefer to see - but having to be examined by that Grandfather's scion who doesn't even show the faintest indication of a frown line or early on-set male pattern baldness yet isn't what I'm up for. Especially if that someone is going to be welding a camera on the end of a long stick heading for my bum. Nuff said.

And on a final note. Saw this photo on one of these funny celebrity watching blogs that I sometimes read. (Shallow, shallow me). I had been noodling about this doctor thing, about the need to get some better face cream (miracle cream) and the fact that I needed a nap. Then I saw this. Eureka! This made me feel much improved. While I was feeling kinda blue about having a 50 year old ass. While I was feeling kinda melancholy that I was now going to be reading more obituaries where the year 1959 wasn't such a stretch. While I was a bit woebegone that neophyte doctors are likely to be younger than my own offspring. What I was NOT going to be was this....

Now that's just taking the whole anti-aging thing farther than it ever needs to go. Fiddle-dee-dee for sure!