"Grille" The Third Adventure

Tuesday came none to soon for the third child of mine to have little chunks of metal attached to his teeth. Unlike my prior two orthodontic experiences, Henry counted down the time until Tuesday first by weeks and then by days and finally Monday night was counting down the hours. What a strange little grape he is!

When we arrived he was enthralled by the pre-band and wire video where he was lulled in to the notion that he was going to be the best little orthodontic dental patient - learning all about how to care for his soon to be affixed hardware. This is interesting since on a typical day, the brushing of teeth is not ever on Henry's top 10 hit parade. In fact, without parental intervention (generally including threats of bodily harm, forced early bedtime or other similar portents of peril), brushing is simply not done.

Upon the insertion of the giant plastic mouth opener - H was practically humming with excitement. They were really, really going through with it. HE was GOING to HAVE BRACES! There was a brief moment of unhappiness when he discovered that they were only going to put on the top braces this time - WHAT? No full metal jacket? But, he recovered quickly, justifying that it would still look like he had braces. Top teeth were obviously better than no teeth at all.

As for me, I was fascinated by the potential daily application of the giant plastic mouth opener. I wondered if it was possible for me to secretly jack one of these bad johnnies for myself. Imagined the endless use it would get at home. Kids getting a little sassy? Pop in the plastic mouth stretcher for 30 minutes and buy yourself some tranquility. You would never have to revert to the timeless punishment (and negative ecological impacts) of washing your child's mouth out with soap. Nope, this little parental punitive device would be not only effective, but green. No more wasting of water or soap. Use it 100 times with no problems. Yes, a regular comeuppance gem, if you will.

In the end, I didn't pilfer the stretcher. It may have had something to do with not having enough time to formulate and implement the perfect plan to grab the sucker without being noticed. H was done and dusted - replete with new upper braces in exactly 45 minutes start-to-finish. The orthodontist has apparently done this a few times before.

Good news is that the information from the video has stuck with him for at least the past 24 hours. Teeth have been summarily brushed with only a gentle push both Tuesday and Wednesday nights. He even has flossed and used the itsy bitsy conical bottle brush implement to get in between the wires and those giant dominoes he calls his teeth. Having said this, he has already discarded using the personal dental mirror, the fluoride mouthwash and the tiny pink chewy tablets that leave telltale debris where you have missed brushing. Dollars to donuts we will be threatening him to "brush his teeth or else" in little more than 72 hours. Maybe I should go back and get the mouth stretchy thing... I could insert it, brush his damn teeth myself and protect my $6,000 investment. I'll start planning the heist now. New follow visit is scheduled for July 7th. That should give me enough time.